Dear Commissioner Mike Slive,
I know this has been a rough month for you. What with everyone suggesting that the SEC officials want to see Florida and Alabama in the SEC championship game no matter what the actual game results might be. Furthermore, I know that generally speaking the SEC’s issue has been with judgment calls, celebration penalties on A.J. Green, personal fouls on some Arkansas defensive players — it’s okay, no one knows anyone’s name that plays for Arkansas other than Ryan Mallet, it will be our secret — missed calls in favor of Florida against Mississippi State, allowing Terrence Cody, the largest man on earth who still resembles a girl, to play without his helmet on. But this latest move, ignoring a clear interception by LSU’s Patrick Peterson, has me steaming mad. What’s the point of instant replay if you’re going to use it and still get the play wrong?
That’s why I’m making you an offer, I will work as instant replay reviewer for any televised SEC game.
For free.
Do you understand what a deal you’re getting here, Commissioner Slive? I will work for the SEC for absolutely free. And I won’t miss any calls.
Zero.
You know why? Two reasons, first, I don’t care who wins the games and, second, because I can watch television replays and tell whether or not people intercept passes. For instance, unlike your replay officials, I watched today’s Alabama-LSU game. And when Patrick Peterson intercepted Greg McElroy with just under 6 minutes to play in the game, I said, “Wow, that’s a hell of an interception.”
You know how I knew?
Because like the rest of America, I saw Peterson catch the football and get not one, but two feet in bounds. That’s one more foot in bounds than you actually need, Mr. Slive. Yet, somehow the man you pay to sit in a booth and watch the replay didn’t see this. He must have been blind … or drunk. Perhaps he was both, so drunk he’d become blind. That’s okay, I’ve been to Galette’s before in Tuscaloosa and gotten that drunk. Although, to be fair, that’s always been after a game.
Clay Travis @ AOL Fanhouse
